We have been informed by our managing director… you know who he is… that the catch phrase for the coming year is…
Be Frugal
My reply was…
“I don’t do f**king Frugal!!!”
Today I was given this card. The designers at work came back from their shopping trip in gay Paris with it. They saw it and thought of me. Says it all really. Made me laugh… A lot…
But…
Tonight I’m a little weary. A mood more than an actual tiredness. My weekend was so lovely. Life gets in the way of so much, so often, does it not?
Tonight I’m wondering why I am trying to be a writer.
Tonight I am wondering will I ever be a writer.
Tonight I am wondering why I want to be a writer.
Tonight I am wondering will anyone ever want to read what I write.
Tonight I am wondering whether it matters if anyone ever reads what I write.
Tonight I am wondering do I write to be read or do I write to write?
Tonight I am wondering why I expend so much time and energy writing this… posting diary entries, photos, stories, poems.
Tonight I am wondering who really gives a shit.
Tonight I am wondering why my very busy life isn’t busy enough without filling it with more events, people, classes, workshops, blogs.
Tonight I am wondering why I am such a hard task master, especially when certain people make judgements and claims that I am shirking my responsibilities and just want to lead a life of leisure, or to put it a differently… ”want to sit on my arse all day writing poetry…”
Tonight I am wondering why running a business and bringing up three teenage boys isn’t fulfilling enough without heaping on more miscellaneous pressures.
Tonight I am wondering why I always feel so guilty, like I’m under achieving.
Tonight I am wondering why I ordered three dozen bottles of Fentiman’s Rose Lemonade from Ocado yesterday on a whim and had them delivered today and where am I going to put them?
Tonight I am wondering why I bought a pale grey drop waisted chiffon dress printed with birds from ASOS even if it is very pretty.
Tonight I am wondering will I ever stop smoking.
Tonight I am wondering why I’m not the sort of person who goes to work then comes home happy to veg on the sofa watching x factor.
Tonight I am wondering a whole heap of things.
Just normal self-doubt, no doubt.
Better go to bed and sleep it off I think…
