She Wins
Where do we go nobody knows?
Don’t even say you’re on your way down, (when)
God gave you style and gave you grace
God put a smile upon your face Coldplay
The pills and wine don’t touch it,
the crushing pain, the panic
that fucks her brain like crack cocaine
but without the high.
She fingers his keys, hard and cold like him
and she’s out of the door,
into his mid-life-crisis Porsche
before he can stop her.
Churning the gravel, she spins off the drive,
whacks up the volume so loud it drowns her.
So crazy loud it drowns the screams,
the howls, the bawls that spew forth
and the tears are all over her face,
headlights and street lights
turning to starbursts.
Pedal to the floor, she hits the road,
gagged and bound by speed and sound.
Rhythm and melody seep in,
lyrics she finds risible,
not that she’s laughing.
What use is God giving style and grace
when she’s become invisible?
What damned irony makes
Him put a smile upon her face?
Over and over she plays the song,
repetition comforting,
she drives for a while, doesn’t know how long,
turns back, heads home. Ha! Home…
where the pain lurks in corners,
under stairs, in cupboards and drawers,
lying in wait ready to pounce without warning.
She finds the hospital where he works,
her consultant clinical psychologist,
who, along with the pills
is trying to help her decide she wants to live.
She parks and sits, unaware of how time passes,
a tap on the window, two night nurses
concerned, grave, persuade her to leave
her black metal prison,
lead her instead to a bright white cell with a bed.
She would like to sleep.
She would like to sleep forever.
Safe. Where no dark corners exist.
Somehow they track him down,
her white-coat doctor,
he calls her on a phone
that at first she’s unable to answer.
He talks her down like a fireman,
rescuing a cat from a tall tree,
down from the crazy heights
she’s managed to climb.
He, off duty, fresh from a party,
makes her laugh. God knows how.
Endlessly patient, reassures her,
tells her to drink her tea,
go home to her family.
He’ll be worried, he says, out of his mind,
taking off like that, in a state, over the limit,
she knows better, wagers a tenner,
says he’ll be snoring, deeply asleep
ignoring the whole ridiculous situation.
She wins the bet.
Like this:
Like Loading...
