Monthly Archives: July 2012

Latitude 2012 Sunday 15th July

Sun, Sun, Sun, Sunday! Yes! It was sunny! Oh My God! Quick! Find a tee shirt. Let's get out there before it disappears…

Oops. Missed it. But it wasn't raining at least…

Still muddy though. Still need Wellies, but did we dare leave the brollies in the van? Go on. Let's be devil-may-care and pretend we're crazy youngsters and won't melt in salty heaps like weird wicked witches of the north…

There was NO WAY we were going to miss Rufus Wainwright. NO WAY. Besides, Jo would have killed me, sister luuuuurve thrown out with the baby and the bath water, although we'd run out of water by this point and had to bribe the kids (withholding egg and bacon baps until their return, aren't we mean,) to fetch us some from the stand pipes so we could at least clean our teeth, thoughts of washing relegated to fond memories. We also made then empty the loo canister thingy – told them it would be a bonding experience and would be worth the shared tender – a tenner. They were also charged to forage for milk. They succeeded on all but the latter. 'Bugger' was my response, 'I don't do black…' which for some reason Jo found highly amusing… But even more necessary to get into the arena early for once. Tea and Rufus.

And he didn't disappoint. Looking lush, swinging his hair and swaying provocatively, hands on hips, he entertained us for a good hour. Sang a favourite… The Art Teacher…

He finished on a gorgeous number – The Man That Got Away…

Next up St Vincent.

As I said on Thursday's post, I'm a little bit in love with Annie Clark as well. I know. Such a fickle slag-bag. She tippy-toed across the stage in gorgeous shoes, corkscrew curls obscuring her face, and when the mood took her rocked like a fiend, whirled like a dervish and jeez can she play guitar! A great set. She told us a tale – a friend from the punk band The Pop Group recently gave her a washing-up brush modelled on Sid Vicious called Sid Dishes, saying wistfully as he handed it over – 'that's what's become of punk…'

And for those of you who've just joined this blog, here's Surgeon again… But a different version…

Onwards to a very crowded tent for Benjamin Zephaniah who was well worth the cramped and sweaty conditions. He wowed the audience and very much catered to all, kids included. He's an imposing performer with a great presence and it was good to see him.

We wandered in the woods for a while with a pear cider in hand and quite suddenly lethargy got the better of us. Perched outside the iArena we almost dozed on our little stools while we sank slowly and elegantly into the mud. The down side to a cloudless sky was that by sundown the temperature had dropped considerably (I love an English summer – it's so much more… challenging… than a continental one) and after the cider we were freezing so we popped back to the van for coats. Suitably wrapped in the comfort of all weather(arctic) nylon and feathers we emerged back into the arena in time for Paul Weller.

Old timer perhaps, but consummate performer always. He gave us a wonderful mix of songs from his new album, Sonik Kicks, rocky and slick he looked good. He gave us several old solo treats including Pebbles on a beach, You do Something to me, Changing Man and more than (I) expected Jam hits, amongst others – Start, A town Called Malice and ending with the brilliant Eton Rifles.

But by then we were trudging, stiff backed and a little weary, off to the poetry tent for John Cooper Clarke, coffee and cakes picked up on the way (and a large cup of milk for tea laters.)

I've been a fan of JCC since the seventies when we watched him, gawping, shooting a video for Thirty Six Hours… everybody looks like Ernest Borgnine… in the derelict back-to-backs behind Stowell Memorial Vicarage in Salford where I used to live. And I saw him recently in a really small venue in Leicester. Fucking brilliant.

This evening he was in raconteur mode and had us all in pant-wetting stitches. SO good. Really, really good. Bloody nuts though. Here's one he performed… Hire car. One close to my own heart and I refer back to my blog recently – Tuesday 10th July. All you followers will get the ref…

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Finally, in traditional Latitude Festival closure stylee (for us) SPANK !

A cabaret evening of music, lewd comedy and full frontal nudity. Not to be missed. It kept us awake and jaw-achingly amused until 2am so it must have been good.

We staggered back to the van and didn't wake up until 12.45pm when we heard polite throat clearing outside our window…

'Are you all ok in there, it's just that we're closing the site soon…' we popped our heads out and discovered that we were indeed one of the last to leave.

We were packed and out in an hour, home in four. What a bloody amazing weekend. Looking forward to 2013 already!

 

Latitude 2012 Saturday 14th July

It couldn't have been posed for better…
 

The day dawned grey again, but we didn't let it bother us and after egg and bacon baps with the kids and plenty of tea we perused the programme. Keen to see Lianne de Havas we made an extra effort to get ready quickly, but time takes on a unique dimension at festivals and before we knew it we'd missed her… How is that???

But we made it in for Esperanza Spalding and her Jazz set on the main stage. Beautiful woman, plays the double bass – such a sexy instrument for a woman to play, I always think – and sings like a dream…

After that we wandered around for a while, perhaps we ate some curried goat, or enjoyed coffee and cakes, I'm not sure, but I know we indulged in a little retail therapy. Our favourite jewellery stall was of course there to tempt us, with her beautiful wares. We both bought rings. Couldn't resist. Lovely…

http://www.lila-jeweller-designer.co.uk

Richard Hawley was gorgeous as usual. I love his voice. And he has the most wonderful selection of guitars ever, especially his red hollow bodied beaut that looks like a Washburn, but what do I know. He was pushed on and off the stage in a wheelchair by the one and only Guy Garvey – apparently he's broken his leg.

Here's Cole's Corner from 2006, one of my favourites and with reference to, on winning the mercury prize of that year that Hawley was also nominated for, the Arctic Monkey's Alex Turner famously quoted – “Call 999 – Richard Hawley's been robbed!”

And then off to the Literary Arena to see Simon Armitage in conversation with Stuart Maconie (who I've also always had a lot of time for). Simon was talking about his new book, Walking Home, which describes his journey along the Pennine Way which he started from the 'wrong' end, ie the top, ending at the bottom – hence walking home… and thus he had to read the map upside down/back to front/inside out. He set off with not much in his rucksack other than a change of underwear, a spare sock, a fine back catalogue of work and he basically sang for his supper, walking a gruelling number of miles by day, giving poetry readings by night at a varied selection of venues from pub back rooms to small theatres, sleeping in volunteers spare bedrooms. At the end of each evening's entertainment a sock would be passed round for people to donate whatever they thought the evening had been worth. During the course of his travels Simon received some interesting monetary alternatives, such as various receipts, a parking ticket and a note which merely stated – I'm Brenda, call me … 0788******* (Phone number withheld for obvious reasons…)

He was funny and charming and lovely and it was excellent and Jo and I are even more in love with him now than we were yesterday.

He'd placed the following announcement on his website several months preceding the walk –

The Penine way – Can You Help?

Hello. In July 2010 I'm walking the Pennine Way. it's usually walked from south to north but I'm attempting to walk it the other way round, because that way it will be downhill all the way, right? I'm doing the walk as a poet. Wherever I stop for the night I'm going to give a reading, for which there will be no charge, but at the end of the evening I'll pass a hat around and people can give me what they think I'm worth. I want to see if I can pay my way from start to finish on the proceeds of my poetry alone. so, basically 256 miles of begging.

If you live on or near one of the recognised stopping points on the Penine Way and would be willing to host or organise a reading for me, be it in a room in a pub, a village hall, a church, a library, a school, a barn, or even in your living room, do get in touch. If you can throw in B&B and a packed lunch, Sherpa my gear along to the next stop, point me in the right direction the next day or even want to walk that leg of the journey with me, so much the better, I'm pretty well house trained and know at least three moderately funny anecdotes.

Here's the schedule…

Blah blah blah read the book… It was a wonderful talk and of course I bought the book and queued to have it signed, ( when he asked who it was for I was so tempted to say, in a husky voice, 'Brenda… ') along with Mr Maconie's Hope and Glory, because I couldn't not and he has rather lovely brown eyes when you meet him, in the flesh as it were, plus he himself has promised in his inscription to me no less, that I won't regret it…

Buy both. I don't think you'll regret either.

The evening ended with Elbow. I have always loved this band and have seen them five times now, the first as the sun went down on Glastonbury 2008 and they've never disappointed since. They ended this year's show with a spectacular fireworks display and the whole gig warmed the cockles. A real feel good moment.

And just before the sun went down it came out…

 

Finished the day off nicely with Coffee and Cakes…

And on to a fabulous session in The Literary Arena…

Chris Thorpe, a Mancunian performer and writer read a story that blew me away. Called Inventory it's about a seemingly ramdom series of events that led to his house being burned down. It's SO cool. I've tracked him down (not in a stalkerish way of course…) and written to him since and he's sending me a transcript. Wow!

Then Ian Marchant who was completely nuts and bloody hilarious. He told a very funny story about being at a festival (quite) a few years back. Being somewhat the worse for wear after a day of general stimulant abuse, lying semi-comatose in his tent and desperately needing a pee, he couldn't be bothered to negotiate the rain, the muddy terrain and the dark. He considered the merits of various narrow receptacles such as wine bottles, beer cans, plastic carrier bags, weighing up their various dangers/lack of comfort/suitability and in the end chose to relieve himself into his right welly. The next morning he got up, head a little sore, the memory cells that contained info on the proceedings of the night before long destroyed and he nonchalantly slipped his feet into his boots. By the afternoon he'd got used to the strong aroma of stale urine and he admitted to a friend what he'd done. Later, on walking through the festival back stage area he, and everyone else in the crowded vicinity heard a cry ring out – 'Hey, look, it's Piss-in-Boots!

I bought his book on the strength of that story alone – Something of the Night – which If it is anything like his interview will be highly entertaining. He was really funny when I met him too. I was first in the queue because I practically ran to the signing area, not because I was desperate for a copy, although I did want one, but because I was desperate to use my she-wee afterwards, and he wrote – To Lindsay with relieved best wishes… do you think he thought no one would be interested? I thought that was really quite heartwarming.

Robin Ince's Late Night Revolution with guests was a great way to finish off a wonderful day. Grace Petrie and a boy/girl friend on backing vocals whom Jo and I found fascinating in a kind of weird way, Josie Long and Jonny and The Baptists who were delightful and made us smile wildly and widely, especially their song about the bringing new popularity to The Libraries. Hilarious in a very witty, metro-sexual, self-deprecating, English way.

Finally through the long mud trek home (I find mud a little bit scary I've decided and it would be my worst nightmare death) and to bed… Zzzzzzzz

 

Latitude 2012 Friday 13th July

Gosh – only just realised it was Friday the frigging thirteenth… I may have stayed warm and dry and safe in my gyspymobile had I known. Just as well I didn't, for a great day we had. Yes. A great day.

We woke intending to see Lloyd Cole at 1pm. We really did. We made a list. But we didn't quite. Instead we sat around and chatted and drank tea and chatted and drank more tea and cooked egg and bacon baps for the kids when they emerged, moaning about how wet everything was and how they'd gone to the woods the night before and had a BRILLIANT time Raving, yes raving, to Dermott O'Leary, but they'd got drenched and everything was damp and even the extra ground sheets hadn't helped and their sleeping bags weren't really waterproof and I fended off their moans with a cruel shrug, handed them a bin bag and requested they clear away the miriad of cans that had magically found their way into our small grassy seating area thinking, I may not be COOL, but I'm dry and sensible and so are my clothes (mostly) even my new Gok underwear, but you're young, so SUFFER babies…

We made it in for 2pm and Foy Vance, in the woods. Negotiating the mud. Dressed more suitably. It had rained all night. It woke us at one point battering the hell out of our tin roof, but eased off as the day wore on. So – let's get the mud over with and all you muddophobes can get your cringing fill…

And here's us, dressed for a summer's day…

 

The lovely Foy Vance…

…was cool. And the pear cider was even cooler. And the loos weren't too bad, especially after we discovered the liberation of the she-wee… Scary at first but once you let go… Bloody Brilliant and it beats those queues and the even scarier prospect of sitting…

Maybe we ate curried goat now… Or maybe we enjoyed coffee and cakes… See earlier post for clarification…

We were fitted for some eyelashes. In a tent. By some luscious long-legged fillies. And we paid ten quid. Don't ask me why. It seemed like a good idea at the time. Mine were quite sedate. As falsies go. But Jo's. She went for it, big time. If she weren't so bloody gorgeous she'd have looked like a drag artiste.

 

Next up, off to the poetry tent for Blake Morrison. He performed some of his latest poems from 'The Discoverie of Witches.' We sat on our little fold up portable stools (are we getting old?) and enjoyed. ANd we also watched Martin Figura…

And Caroline Bird…

Both really enjoyable.

After that we awaited Don Patterson, who I was really looking forward to, however he'd had to cancel due to illness. Ahhh we all said. But… Simon Armitage appeared instead… yeehah!!!!! And he was amazing!!!!! And he made us both cry… With this… Which wasn't recorded by me, but is beautiful nonetheless.

 

We bought books and queued to have them signed and Simon even commented on Jo's lashes, or the hugeness of them at least and she flirted voraciously, batting them wildly, explaining he'd loosened her glue for he'd moved her so. I think he may even have blushed a little. She's incorrigible.

After such excitement we needed tea and we discovered the Hurly Burly Café where we drank earl grey in proper mugs and were entertained by the delightful staff, girls and boys alike, who danced twenties flapper steps in between taking orders.

Simon really did loosen our glue… And so they became art…

We intended to see (slight pattern emerging?) Dexy's Afternoon Runners (no one escapes Mr Time) and possibly Tim Minchin, but we didn't quite. Instead we sat and chatted and drank tea and chatted and drank some more tea, and made it to tUnE-yArDs in the woods (with more pear cider) and they were Fucking AMAZING. Definitely one of my festival highlights. See previous post for vid links. Worth watching if you don't know them.

Time for Bon Iver, who was very lovely, and who's stage set was completely stunning, but the atmosphere wasn't so good, (I enjoyed him more at Coachella) Everyone just seemed to be standing around yapping and We wanted to tell them all to shut the fuck up but we didn't because we're not like that, we're not middle aged grumps and we couldn't be arsed to force ourselves into the middle, so we skipped his encore and strode off to the poetry tent, picking up some coffee and cake on the way, unfolded our stools and parked our tired arses down to watch John Hegley, who was utterly delightful. He had a friend on double base who he introduced us to but who's name I've forgotten and who sometimes plays the euphonium… We bought books, got them signed and Jo flirted again… I ddn't at all. Not one bit. Ask John. Ask his friend. The double base/euphonium player.

 

Trudged back through the pissing rain. And the squelching quagmire. Tea. Chat. Tea. Sleeeeeep. Zzzzzzzzz.

 

Latitude 2012 Thursday 12th July

 

Before I begin, I just want to say that I'm going to post quite a few links and if you would like to share my Latitude experience fully do please click on them and enjoy. In fact, ignore all my ramblings and go straight to the links… Give yourself some time and check them out… There's some lovely stuff here…

Ms Burpy, my very own Campervan (somewhat neglected this year due to lack of funds and she's an expensive little minx), needs a new engine so, Jo and I, not allowing our usual optimism to curtail our common sense and presuming the ferociously dire precipitation of the last two months would continue ad infinitum, I hired us a motor home for the weekend… I collected it on Wednesday – in essence, a Ford transit with bits, therefore easy to drive, (notwithstanding my attempts to exit my very narrow drive – sorry boys, hope you weren't too traumatised by the vile expletives that emanated from my lips excorcist stylee) – bits meaning shower, loo, bed, gas hob, fridge. We were quite excited about the prospect of such luxury, especially the shower, until eldest son said, 'What is that? It's so UNCOOL! (teenagers are viciously cruel at times) It looks like a gypsy caravan…' Now I don't know about you, but my idea of a gypsy caravan is a pretty painted thing, all hearts, flowers and horse shoes, possibly even horse-drawn. It's not a beige motor-home. But unperturbed and with our enthusiasm uncurbed by his slanderous outburst, we set off just after lunch on Thursday with everything we could possibly require.

We were half way there when my subconscious suddenly kicked in. It must have been silently collating an inventory of my wardrobe (as it does) and I realised, oh shame, that I'd forgotten my underwear. Oops. I told my fellow travellers and youngest son piped up, 'Mum… I've forgotten mine too…' Is it a familial trait? Is there a recessive gene that enables one to pack seven changes of clothing allowing for every possible vagary of the jet stream, a box of jewellery, an Accessorise-Franchise worth of hair ornamentation, A bathroom cabinet of toiletries, three hats, two umbrellas, six different types of footwear, but no knickers? (I hasten to add, that's just me… Jules entered into the festival spirit and threw a couple of t's and a pair of jeans into a carrier bag…) But you'll be relieved to know it was all OK. A Sainsbury's superstore appeared on the horizon and we hurried in, excited by the lifesize cardboard Gok cut-out welcoming us and we found some lingerie… Quite pretty actually… and I add again for clarification, for I don't wish to damage his fragile teenage reputation, Julius just went for The Pants…

The journey was easy and getting on site the quickest it's ever been. We were parked up, the tee-pee erected, the cider cracked open, in under four hours. And the sun was out. Against all better judgement, we wandered off to collect wrist bands, buy a programme and explore the main arena wearing (in hind sight) unsuitable footwear and carrying no umbrellas.

I can't remember if we ate curried goat or merely partook of coffee and cakes. Perhaps the goat was Friday, but whichever day it was it was damn delicious. It's always a favourite of ours. As are the coffee and cakes. We perused the programme – there isn't usually that much to see on a Thursday – and we were pleasantly surprised to find that at 8pm the film tent was showing a film of 4AD (an ubercool label) artistes and then at 9pm-12am there was an evening of two halves with Paul Heaton, (Housemartins, Beautiful South.) First half, a performance of 'The 8th'! a show that's toured the UK – The Barbican among other choice venues, and second half, a selection of his back catalogue sung by him and his guests. Both of us are big Paul fans so we were very excited and off we toddled, a pint of pear cider in this years Latitude cup in each of our right hands.

The 4AD sessions were brilliant. In particular, a new band to me, tUnE-yArDs. Loved them. Amazing, original, stunning vocals… (And we saw them live on Friday) The album is great – Whokill… Downloaded already.

 

 

Also really enjoyed The Big Pink

 

And Stornoway

And St Vincent blew me away… I have to admit, I'm now (we saw her playing live later in the weekend) a little bit in gurrrrl love with Annie Clark…

This first song, Surgeon, she wrote after reading that Marilyn Monroe once said, 'Find me the best, finest surgeon and cut me open…' and she thought it a good line for a song… I have to agree. I feel a poem coming on…

Next up Paul Heaton and The 8th – one of the longest songs ever written – about the seven deadly sins… and the eighth, that we are all guilty of… GOSSIP! I didn't get what the eighth was until I researched it when I got home. I'm obviously one of those he disparagingly mocked in his outro. But. I nevertheless enjoyed it although it's quite kitch and kind of… simplistic, I suppose, but the performers were all amazing, including Paul himself! which is what I enjoyed about it. Reg E. Carthy (from The Wire, for those telly buffs) narrated, brilliantly, and Jaqui Abbot was Envy, Garath David from Los Camposinos, Gluttony, Wayne Giddon, Lust and Simon Aldred, Cherry Ghost, my favourite, sang Greed. They were all fab, And there were more, but I can't remember them all.

The second half was a kind of Karaoke/sing-a-long of Heaton's best and again, Simon Aldred wowed with a gorgeous rendition of I'll sail this ship alone. It's a bit crackly, but gorgeous still…

 

A thoroughly enjoyable evening made even more pleasurable by Heaton's witty, self-deprecating, Northern charm – ie – 'this one was from my first solo album and that's solo because only one of you fuckers bought it!'

We emerged from the film tent to a torrential downpour and had to tiptoe through the mud in my new denim blue plimmies and Jo in her divine new blue leopard print furry brothel creepers (which I madly covet- a mental note made, book shopping trip to Office.) How we loved the gipsy van and tea and warmth and dryness… To be continued…

Tuesday 10th July 2012

early rise
early breakfast

on our last morning

three things tree-like
 
 
 
 

Postprandial – and six things pee-like…

Perambulate.

Peruse.

Photograph.

Pack.

Pay.

Panic…

as we arrive in Gibraltar and find ourselves stationary in a ridiculous, endless traffic queue with no sign posts to the airport and no idea how to find the hire-car drop off point.

Fergus phones the 'Niza' hire company and in very broken English – we typical Brits don't speak Spanish – they explain to us where we should be, which absolutely is not sitting panicking in the lane we're in.

There's only one choice – mount the central reservation – it's only a narrow kerb after all and cross over into the correct lane, because if we don't we will miss our flight for sure. I look at Fergus – Go for it Ma!

So I turn the steering wheel, give it some welly (remember we're sitting in a vast jam) CRRRRACCCCK! CRRRRUNCCCHH! GRRRRRRIND! and we're stranded, half in one lane half in the other, the 'small' kerb acting like a fulcrum to our see-saw of a car. SHIIIIIT! Everyone looks. A man gets out of the car in front and stands gazing at us, mouth agape. Another behind us joins the audience. I studiously ignore both of them and Fergus's wide eyed gob-smackedness and give it more welly. The engine screams. The clutch oil burns. The car ain't going anywhere, fast or slow. Then I realise I'm in second gear. I ram it into first, shove pedal to the metal and in full on Starsky-and-Hutch car-chase style we clatter over the reservation, bounce off the other side and escape in a cloud of black smoke. I don't know whether to laugh or cry – I think I do both – and in one minute we're pulling up outside the car-hire office.

While I stagger inside, legs like jelly, to hand over the keys, I can see Fergus out of the corner of my eye lying prostrate on the road, not entirely surreptitiously checking under the still very stinky car. He tells me once we're out of ear shot that he forced a large piece of heavy plastic casing back into place and something was dripping… Oops! I could taste burning clutch oil all the way home. But… We did get home. On time. All in one piece. Although I admit I can't vouch for the car. And that's my excuse for not having given up the fags!

Why does there always have to be a drama?

 

Monday 9th July 2012

The Punta Sur gardens… Like paradise really… The birds, flirty peacock…

 
Flowers in abundance…
 

And the landscape…

 

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