Writing about not writing… Or… On wanting to ‘cut it’…

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Me… Looking remarkably carefree…

Because I’m rather in the doldrums of late. Somewhat lost. Not sure why. Think it’s a phase. Hope it’s a phase.

I think, perhaps, it’s a phase that many/most writers go through––when everything they’ve written suddenly/exasperatingly/depressingly, reads like shit/crap/worthless schmuck/dog-poo/not-up-to-the-markness.

Perhaps it’s down to the extensive reading I’ve been filling my days and nights with recently. The gap between the excellence of what I’ve read and my own paltry efforts yawns SO large I’m unsure how to bridge it, or whether I can. And if I can’t…

I only know this: I do not want to be mediocre. I want to move people (readers) as much as I am/have been moved. Nothing else will do. OK will not suffice. OK does not cut it. My writing does not cut it. And I want it to cut it.

But… I’ve attended some great workshops/events recently, which have/are (I think) helping. Here’s a round-up…

Mario Petrucci Workshop for South Leicester Stanza:

Thanks to Charles Lauder for organising and Nicky Lauder for the pics, the amazing pear and ginger muffins and that spinach/feta filo tart… Yum.

16 ways into writing.

Understanding that moment when one feels the ‘muse’ rumble, then take hold, in order to (possibly) learn to emulate (ideally at will) that moment, so one can enjoy and realise the spark of creativity, tap into one’s subconscious, use it, and then (hopefully) summon it when one has (at some point) a writing window.

Waiting. Holding off the moment of writing. Allowing the thoughts/images/ideas to burgeon, expand, develop, brew, fledge, birth.

Resistance can be a key to unlocking creativity.

Mario and I (I sat next to teacher) wrote these Haiku(ish)s

MP and LWW Haiku

MP and LWW Haiku

Don’t know what they are… But they’re here/there.

Mario is an engaging teacher. Generous. Well prepared. Hard working. I really enjoyed the workshop. I now have several beginnings in my notebook and some worthwhile ideas to mull over. Inspiring.

I’m reading his

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Note: the beautiful cover is Mario’s own artwork, painted after a particularly vivd dream he had. He’s a bit of a polymath me thinks… Here is one from the collection:

i rather love

.

not things but

what lies behind

these the way a year

.

is sometimes glimpsed

past ear of corn or

december

.

come

out of blue to

one who knew only

.

sun – perhaps such

are best unsaid

so all might

.

speak of

corn & sky or

strip decembers

.

down to black-

scaffold

trees

.

where

life sings &

sings to death each

.

silenced thing

.

Word Factory Seminar with Michelle Roberts and Adam Marek, hosted by Cathy Galvin and Carrie Kania, at the Society Club Book Shop, Soho, London.

I’m in love with this book shop which is so much more than a bookshop, head-over-heels with this space/place… It’s all black painted wood, dim corners hiding erotica, alcoves stuffed with rare first editions, shelves stacked with personally selected volumes, vaguely decadent, wonderfully aspirational and inspirational. it seeths with intellect, instills curiosity, encourages investigation and smells like some kind of spirit I want to be a part of, want to ingest. Deeply.

Michelle Roberts had us writing almost immediately. About Us. About sex. Fearlessly. And we read. And we laughed. And we cried. We were moved.

Adam Marek was gentle and kind and funny and interesting and he shared and informed.

Carrie Kania was wise. She was ascerbic. And witty. And trenchant. And informative.

Cathy Galvin was lovely. Welcoming. And facilitating. Someone you are glad to have met.

Included in the course was a critique of a piece of writing and the comments I received from both Cathy and Carrie were considered, useful and thought provoking.

Also included was a goody bag containing among other things this FANTASTIC short story collection. These are some of my favourite short stories, ever. They are funny, wise, powerful, emotionally true and some of them made me cry. Try them if you haven’t already, and enjoy.

If I loved you, I would tell you this by Robin Black

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It was a very good day. I recommend the venue, the sensibility, the content, and if there’s another I’ll want to be there.

Lionel Shriver at The Word Factory:

(Thanks to The Man for the pics…)

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At 6.30 the wine was opened, cocktails proffered and Ms. Shriver arrived. We were much honoured, for she can command far bigger audiences. She was friendly, open, willing to engage and therefore thoroughly engaging. I enjoyed her readings, the talk, Cathy Galvin’s intuitive questioning, and the informative Q and A afterwards. She read from her new book, Big Brother, (which I purchased of course) and later treated us to her excellent short story Prepositions from the Waterstone’s Red Anthology (a perfectly formed, beautifully textural and handsome volume) edited by Ms Galvin, which begins thus:

September 9, 2011

Dear Sarah, 

I apologise for the formality of a letter, but I can’t trust myself to get this out over a glass of wine, especially while still unsure what I want to say.

Trust that I’ve treasured your friendship always. On that hilking trip through the Sinai desert when we all met, what brought our two couples together was a shared disinclination to complain. Other tourists whined ceaselessly about the heat and the food, but we four were intrepid. When you broke out in suppurating cold sores from too much sun, despite the injury to your vanity you trooped on as if nothing were the matter. Consequently, I’d hate for this letter to seem a complaint––but then, maybe it is a complaint.

Your husband died in 9/11. My husband died on 9/11. So much has ensued from these prepositions, a single one-letter variation in the alphabet…

Do, please, buy (both) the book(s) and read on.

What I love about Ms Shriver is her quiet erudition, her fierce intellect, her unflinching honesty, her wry sense of humour and her pride in and dedication to her craft.

John Siddique makes the inaugural reading for Leicester University’s Centre for New Writing:

I’ve long been a fan of John’s poetry so it was lovely to meet the man himself and hear him read.

John is an incredible poet who really gives of himself when performing. He read from Full Blood, Recital, Four Fathers and a couple of new ones, both about individual acts of rebellion. I really enjoyed the reading. Dr. Corinne Fowler hosted the evening with a heady mix of intelligence and elegance and invited The Man and I to join John Siddique, the novelist Irfan Master and herself for a beer, a divine helping of Dosas and great conversation. We were lucky enough to catch up with the charismatic Ben Okri (who had been delivering a master class for students and lecturers at the University earlier) in the pub and walked him to the station on the way to the restaurant. What a special night.

Here’s one of my favourites from John Siddique’s Recital:

Other People’s Children

.

He is eight and good at football. His mind

flits blacker and whiter than a magpie

from Playstation to plastic sword, chocolate,

internet, to nothing to do, to slamming the ball.

he has a will of iron. Can bend his mother’s

and my love for him like plasticine;

when he wears his stick on tattoos

in the same place on his shoulders as I have mine,

when he calls me ‘old chappy,’ as we scream

through the air as human aeroplanes.

I want so much to show him the world

I know, make it right for him.

Their Dad shows up every now and then,

it blows this family sideways, the guy ropes

twang off their pegs, until morning comes

and the wind dies down, and he goes off again.

I begin planting and parenting. Applying constancy

at the thin end of myself. But here is the boy

on a Saturday morning, next to me in bed,

hugging his mother and I together,

blowing at my chest hair.

.

Middle Stanley with Leicester Writer’s Club

Our long weekend away in the Cotswolds is an annual event for 16 lucky members, now in its ninth year. This is the second time I have been, and it’s wonderful. We run workshops for each other, we cook and eat together, we walk, we talk, we write, we think, we laugh, we cry (but maybe that was just me,) we drink and then we talk some more.

The house is ancient, elegant in a slightly dilapidated English way, rambling, charming, welcoming and definitely haunted, and the grounds are just so very, very lovely.

It’s special. The whole weekend was special and particularly valuable to me in my present Eeyore-like mood. I was given much good advice, pick-me-up encouragement, wise jewels of experience and general heart-warming friendship.

A weekend to be cherished.

Here’s some beautiful pics from The Man:

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And here’s some pics (of a slightly inferior quality) from me:

FYI The church is the magnificent St John the Baptist in Burford, a gorgeous Cotswold town that also contains a rather lovely clothes shop called Maggie White. A little shopping was done.

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Resolution:

I have realised that having so much time on my hands now that I

  • no longer have a day job,
  • the divorce is almost over,
  • the house-move is completed
  • ailing parents are no longer an all-consuming concern

has thrown up its own set of problems. I am suddenly unsure about what I want to write, how I ought to write, what I should write, whether I can write, and is what I think I want to write about worth writing about.

Also, I have always been used to ploughing through extremely busy days and when I had to fit my writing in around all the above, plus caring for three demanding boy-chiles and two recalcitrant boy-dogs, I managed to be very productive. Now the hours stretch, expand and unfold around me and I am feeling tossed about on a rough and seemingly infinite ocean of hours and then just as suddenly, washed up into some lonely, foetid backwater with only myself for company…

Changes must be made.

In order to encourage an escape from the doldrums these are the things I’m going to try to do (in no particular order:

  • Keep Writing
  • Stop worrying about what I’m writing
  • Be kinder to myself
  • Enjoy life more
  • Restrict my writing to certain times of the day
  • Plan my days better so I fit in; chores, reading, writing and relaxation
  • Take a course of acupuncture to unblock my chakras
  • Try meditation and look at enroling in some classes
  • Resume a meaningful exercise routine
  • Stop feeling frightened
  • Lighten up

Wish me good luck!

Blackout Poetry #1 through #13 (or is this poetry?)

In response to another of Jo Bell‘s NaPoWriMo prompts. Some Blackout Poetry.

#1

#1

#2

#2

#3

#3

 

 

#4

#4

#5

#5

#6

#7

#7

#8

#8

#9

#9

#10

#10

#11

#11

#12

#12

#13

#13

I had no idea such fun could be had with scissors, a black marker pen and some newspapers.

Check out this link too…

Newspaper Blackout

Cambridge: A Fine Day out. (Oh God… We’re going to die…)

Recently we took an Australian friend of ours, currently living in paris, to Cambridge because he’d never been before and it seemed like a good destination for a day trip. It was a bright blue-skied day, but bloody freezing, the wind whipping up an arctic storm through every nook and cranny, of which the historical town (as you can imagine) has many.

We lunched, wandered, browsed, shopped, oohed and ahhed at appropriate moments, took lots of pics, and punted, of course.

None of us are either particularly athletic or well-coordinated, neither the man, or the friend drive a vehicle and I’m not so foolhardy to imagine that cajoling a blunt nosed craft up stream, into the wind, with only a washing-line-prop to propel it forward would be easy, so we decided to take a manned punt and let someone else negotiate the surprisingly busy river Cam.

While waiting for our punt to come in we sat at an outside table of a nearby café, supped blistering hot drinks, bathed in a pallid imitation of sunshine. A man in braces and a flat cap wandered by and burped very loudly. The friend gave me a one-eyebrow-raised-look which got me giggling and I said ‘That’ll be our punter… just you wait!’ Seconds later a family of four, all extremely ample-bodied, sauntered by with drinks and a bag holding copious (we soon realised) supplies of cake and I said, “and that’ll be who we’re sharing the raft with…” To which I received another raised eyebrow and a derisive snort.

Sure enough… Ten minutes later, Burping-Man called us and the Family-Large to attention and requested we follow him down an alley to the punt.

“Oh God…” my friend breathed, “We’re all going to die…”

We didn’t die, but the family sat opposite us and all we could see if we looked ahead were carbohydrate consuming mouths atop XXXL pilled fleeces and all we could hear at every turn were loud exclamations in Afrikaans, my least favourite of all languages as I worry that I’m about to be spat on. We soon discovered that the flat-capped-burper in charge of our safety had a pathalogical hatred for ALL amateur punters and purposely steered into any boat within his sights, which made the whole journey rather like a teenage outing on the fairground bumper cars. But longer. And colder. And without the pop music blaring. But with the added edge of possible death by drowning.

We wrapped ouselves in a thin blue polyester scrap that the man optimistically called a blanket and in a slightly surreal way, I suppose we enjoyed ourselves. However, after half an hour, with wind-burnt ears and some relief, we pulled up to the deck. As we clambered back onto dry land I swear I heard our friend mutter, “Only in England…” and we battled our way, head to wind, back to the car, all of us looking forward to heated seats and the bliss of still air.

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It was quite pretty though…

Valediction

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A poem in response to today’s prompt by Jo Bell.

It’s probably not what she had in mind. Probably not what I had in mind when I started out either, but these things (poems) sometimes have a life of their own…

Follow Jo on twitter/facebook if you’d like to join in.

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Valediction
.
 
I care not one jot
that you’re gone from this world,
flame snuffed out,
frayed wick caught in a spittled pinch.
My night will be not one watt darker––
your light never shone on me.
.
To think, my friend, I pitied you
the stretch-marked thighs,
the cellulite,
the meals for one,
the shallow mind,
before I knew where you’d set your sights.
.
Yet still there are times
when I think of you, with him,
travelling to places I’d longed to see,
the rooms with balconies, the stolen hours,
the diamond ring
too large for me.
.
.
 
 
 

A poem in response to a gauntlet thrown by both Nick Laird and Wayne Burrows

Cum an ave a go if yer think yer ard enuff

Cum an ave a go if yer think yer ard enuff

Jo Bell drew to my attention to an article by Nick Laird via twitter: Genius. Wayne Burrows cocks a triumphant snook at Nick Laird’s Guardian article yesterday, breaking all his rules.
Read Nick Laird’s article here
Read Wayne Burrow’s snook here
And you can also read David Clarke’s post about it here
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And so, in honour of NaPoWriMo which I intend to make a concerted effort to keep up this year, and after the suggestion from Mr Burrows that I take up the gauntlet thrown by Nick Laird, I had to have a go.
.
The words one is supposed never to use in a poem according to the Laird:
Be careful with words such as whence or din or guffaw or russet. Also, contorted or caress or ochre. Or clad or crave or pale or engorged. Or gossamer. Don’t write about things frosted with dew.
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As you will see, guffaw got the better of me and I didn’t quote La Plath, but I did manage to get in a quote, and a footnote, and the all important mis-spelling…
.
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The Constant Gardner

 .
The gods had condemned Sisyphus to ceaselessly rolling a rock to the top of a mountain, whence the stone would fall back of its own weight. They had thought with some reason that there is no more dreadful punishment than futile and hopeless labor.
Albert Camus
 .
 .
John Gardner craved a garden.
Wanted to plant an orchard in their small back yard.
Mavis said he was stupid––it would be futile, hopeless,
the trees deformed or barren, what with the incessant
din of traffic and the brickwork clad in carbon
from the engorged arterial, the inner city grime coated
failure yet another reminder of where they’d ended up.
Plus, it was north facing––no sun till the evening
and even by mid-morning the double-glazed window
of the downstairs loo, always frosted with dew,
still hadn’t cleared.
But her view on the world had always been skewed.
He bought two for starters, mail order, bare-rooted,
special delivery from the Reader’s Digest,
an Egremont Russet and a Cox’s Orange Pippin
chosen for no other reason than a liking for their names.
Since then he’s planted four more and learned more
than he ever learned about anything before––
The Cox’s skin is russet but the Russet’s more an ochre.
Russets are named for their texture, not their colour––
skin as rough as the dry caress of a cat’s tongue
or the rub of a Gardner’s thumb.
Shakespeare calls them leathercoats in Henry IV*
but they are sweet and can always be peeled.
Egremont Russets smell of unshelled walnuts.
Cox’s Orange Pippins smell green, clean, of Spring.
They’re white fleshed, juicy and crisp. When cooked
they turn to frothy mush, but make great applesauce.
It’s important to prune before new growth appears.
Late winter/early spring is the optimum season.
All varieties of apple require cross-pollination.
A fine sable paintbrush is the best tool for collecting
pollen from anthers of one, then brushing
the gold-dust over pistil and stigma of another.
A honey bee’s gossamer wings beat between
two hundred and three hundred times a second.
More than a dozen species of bird visit an urban garden.
Half a tonne of leaf mould and good irrigation
seem to make up for a lack of sunshine.
Time pales to nothing when working outside.
The contorted face of Mavis as he serves another portion
of applesauce, crumble, fritters or tarte tatin
makes the back-breaking hours worth putting in.
A small quiet rebellion can be a good thing.
.
.
* In William Shakespeare’s Henry IV, Part 2,
Davy says to Bardolph––“there’s a dish of leathercoats for you.”
 

Shindig! Monday 18th March 2013

(Sorry to those I didn’t manage to photograph. Take it that your poetry was so engaging I simply forgot! Take it as a compliment… And sorry in advance for any mis-spelling of names, general mis-spelling (Mike Brewer…) mis-quotes, misses both near and far. Take it that I am doing my best through difficult times… See below.)

Aarrggghhh… A drowsy numbness pains my sense, as though of Lidocaine and epinephrine I had drunk... I am stricken with dropsy. An injected cocktail. Sadly it has no hallucinogenic effects and I can see all too clearly the resultant jowls and lopsided grimace. I have aged ten years in as many minutes. My dentist assures me it will not last. She’d better be true to her word for I will sue. And this is a labour of love.

But on with the business. It was, as usual, a wonderful night of poetry in the convivial atmosphere we have come to expect from this bi-monthly event. (That’s every two months, not twice a month as some people have mistakenly presumed.)

Jane Commane welcomed us and read Reasonable from a new Nine Arches Press release Hide by Angela France. According to Gray’s Law Dictionary ‘The man on the Clapham Omnibus is synonymous with the pinnacle of reason in humanity.’ This poem is about that man shaking off his shackles and running amok in a rather English way. I liked it and I’m also enjoying her collection, which was one of my purchases from The States of Independence independent publisher’s festival held at De Montfort Uni on Saturday.

I love this one –

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Scapula

                      I like the shape

of the word in my mouth. The sharp angle

of it’s beginning, its fulsome end.

                      I like the planes of them,

the sigh of their support as I relax against a wall,

the flat surface they offer to the sun.

                      I like the way they lie,

mirrored either side of my spine,

how they slide under my skin as I move,

how they quietly hold the potential of wings.

.

Fantastic open mics… Roy Marshall gave us Richard the Lionheart’s heart –– ‘a plump and fragrant fist wrapped in linen, placed in a lead lined box.’ Richard Birt gave us more blood, guts and gore with his ‘It Just So Happens.’ Caroline Cook gave us a witty and timely image of the EEC wrapped in a patchwork knitted blanket, ‘Death of a Euro,’ ending with the blanket unravelling to ‘Yarn drifting down onto the backs of munching sheep.’ Siobhan Logan treated us to one from her ‘Mad, Hopeless and Impossible’ pamphlet about Shackleton’s misadventure to the Antarctic. She read us ‘Snowstruck’ which contains the covetable phrase ‘dazzled by frazil ice / blinded by berg-light.’ Nathan Lunt is working on a series on Darwin and read to us one about the torment between head and heart, faith and science –– always a good subject. Katerina Kalinowski read ‘Click, Click’ the ‘Fucking rain’ quite mesmerising. Mike Brewer treated us to one of his poems about poems, ‘On Writing One’ which was/is a villanelle about writing a villanelle. Maxine Linnell gave us a tender poem in a series she’s working on around the death of her son in 2010, called ‘Chocolate.’ I admire the way Maxine’s poems resonate with quiet, reigned in emotion, the result of which is most affecting. Andrew Button treated us to ‘the approaching eclipse of middle age,’ a subject that seems to be rapidly receding into the past (sigh). Kate Ruse read her poem ‘Love on the Bridge’ another very delicate poem recently commended in our LWC Love Poetry Competition judged by Maria Taylor. Jayne Stanton read a new poem ‘You do not have to say,’ ‘your brambled fingertips…’ beautiful… I really like the new direction of Jayne’s poetry and look forward to hearing/reading more. Kathy Bell was instructed by Deborah Tyler Bennett to ‘write a poem about Lace’ for the recent Notts Festival and being a compliant soul she obeyed. I wish I could come up with the goods Tommy Cooper stylee ‘just like that!’ –– great ending –– ‘Hands which are still smooth, still white for idleness.’ I would love to read it off the page…

Featured poet Nichola Deane recently won the Flarestack Poets pamphlet comp alongside the already raved about on this blog David Clarke’ with Gaud. Nichola’s Pamphlet My Moriarty is equally ravable about. She read us the eponymous poem –– witty, cerebral, oblique, slightly surreal –– which gave us a good taster for the rest of her set.

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Up on the Reichenbach Falls, Moriarty,

just you, me and a flattering rainbow-hued

nimbus of mist. You with that spidery voice,

all machinating, echoey, hoaxey-coaxy,

or the ursine growl you use to show who’s boss. 

.

Nichola uses launguage to great effect and is not afraid of playfulness. Ursine. Nimbus. What’s not to love? She’s also really into a poet of the Tang Dynasty, Wang Wei, (all news to me, but I have googled…)

And I loved this ––

.

After Wang Wei

On the empty mountain,

no-one at all, apparently,

and yet there are echoes:

the trace of voices and sunlight

piercing the canopy,

touching with long fingers

the give of green moss.

.

I admired Nichola’s piece about the wife of VILHELM HAMMERSHØI. He (the artist) often painted her (his wife) from behind, just her back, (another google…) and often playing the piano. It was delightfully intriguing to have her imagined voice heard, this woman who was seemingly ignored, who was released the minute her fingers made contact with the keys. I very much hope that Nichola will relax into herself during future readings as she gains confidence. Her work is good and she should read it proudly.

Jane Commane introduced Jonathan Taylor, saying that it’s good to have been a part of a poets development, to have seen/heard various poems in various stages and then to have seen the seeds of those poems flower and come together in a first collection. For me that is one of the best things about attending a regular poetry evening. And for so many different writers.

Jonathan’s first full collection, Musicolepsy, is published by Shoestring Press and another lovely book I bought at State of Independence. What I like about Jonathan’s work is that it is often very funny –– an emotion often missing from poetry, and indeed comtemporary literature. To quote Charles Boyle during the wonderful discussion about the short story (at this Saturday’s States of… you should have been there…) there is a lot of ‘exquisite doom’ in writing today. Mr Boyle was concerned about this, and I can understand why. I often write what sets out to be an upbeat piece, poem, story, yet it quickly descends into a bogland of gloom. Not sure why. But –– much of Jonathan’s poetry manages to avoid and transcend that particularl pit. Joyously. From ‘Leap of Faithlessness,’

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Would you believe all this,

take the leap of faith in reverse,

hold Kierkegaard up to mirrors,

jump back to absurd reality over an abyss

of flailing dinosaurs?

.

Or would you just think I was taking the piss?

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More open mic’s… Matt Merrit opened with ‘Hen Capercaillie,’ a lush and naturalistic evocation. Dave Tunelly gave us a musing on Constable’s Haywain including many nostalgic mentions of those orange glowing lethal looking inefficient heating systems known as bar fires. I can picture many a room “warmed’ by them in my youth. Harriet Warner stunned us with linguistic gymnastics (all memorised… oh youth, where art thou…) and a diatribe on women’s dietary products. Laurie Cussack read us ‘Stuff.’ Bob Richardson wooed us with ‘Hamlet after Pasternak’ –– ‘life is not a country walk.’ Rebecca Bird, prior to being congratulated on being just published in ‘Envoi’ magazine (well done!) read us ‘A Vicar from the Stalls.’ Deborah Tyler Bennett, fresh from her poet in residency for Notts Festival themed ‘Lace’ read us her ‘Homage to Walker’s Workers.’ Next up, Simon Perril, who has recently published a collection with Leafe Press titled ‘Newton’s Splinter’ gave us the best line of the night… ‘the problem with poets… too many plugs, not enough sockets…’ Gary Carr followed with David Bowie’s ‘Archer.’ I enjoyed Charles Lauder’s poem inspired by a texan saying descibing that moment when it’s both sunny and rainy as ‘the devil kissing his wife.’ ‘The Devil and Love’ is a deliciously concrete evocation of a gloriously  ephemeral notion. Tom Wyre talked mental illness, taut and hard hitting, in ‘The Lucid Door.’ Will Breedon read us a lover’s Lament bringing us the third mention of dinosaurs with ‘We carbon dated…’

Third Featured poet –– Jess Green. I have seen/heard Jess many times at Word! but it was quite different seeing/hearing her tonight. She’s exciting, energetic, full of life, emotion and kinetic energy, quite electrifying really. She is part of the Roundhouse Poetry Collective and a seasoned performer, but  it was good to be able to buy her first pamphlet, #Romance, published by Holdfire to see what her poems look like on the page. Jess writes about being young, being a student, being no longer a student,  being an artist, being out of work, being stoned/drunk/pissed off, and what struck me is that, although there are (shit!?!) thirty years separating her twenty something’s and mine, apart from the names of the chemicals imbibed/snorted/inhaled, the styles of garb worn and the particular tunes one jigged along to while abusing one’s body, little has changed. I found that strangely reassuring. That is not to belittle Jess’s craft in any way. She’s a fine poet –– From Scratch Your Degree:

Take away the words that hurt until they healed,

bury Ariel with Sylvia,

drag the winter dawn down,

unclench my jaw

like he never touched me at all.

(…)

And when they ask you what you did for three years,

say,

‘nothing.’

.

And from the poignant and delightful Potatoes:

I told her I was intimidated

when I took my beans on toast out the microwave,

she laughed and said

‘you learn variety in dinners

when your parents abandon you aged six

and only reappear when you win a lacrosse match.’

.

Last up –– Mark Goodwin. Mark read to us, in his inimmitable style, one long poem from his chapbook Layers of Un, published by Shearsman, titled Sun-Fall & Tools, a Watermead Park, a Charnwood, a May 2011.

the sky held cathedral-grand clouds

spring sun lit floating seed-fluffs

& the up-down dance of gnats

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a duck & her so-far-five

-surviving ‘lings scottled across

the lake’s sparkling membrane

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Mark is such a master of place, a consummate naturalist, I can feel, taste, touch, see his environs, his ‘un’spaces, with such vivid clarity as his words gradually reveal his worlds. Always a pleasure.

Go buy some poetry…

lovely lovely

lovely lovely

Mother’s Day 2013… Family… Huhne & what Pryce…

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I was blessed to have an almost complete family for mother’s day this year. Three sons of mine and a daughter and son of the man. Only one daughter (plus husband and grandchild #2) missing… in Grenada. Next year we’ll aim for a Full House!

Throughout my life family has always been paramount and we’re lucky our offspring seem to value it so highly too. Nowadays my family is much extended, stretched and reshaped. There was a time when I  worried it might not continue, that ties might fade and not be lasting enough to stay the course, but now I feel sure our love is stronger than superglue and nothing life throws at us will ever loosen its stick.

There’s a lot of extra joy to be had from an extended family. My initial fears of my marriage break-up were all about what and whom I would lose. However, as life has played out, I have lost no one and gained many. My blood parents died last year, yet I have parents-in-law who still feature in my life as large as ever, if not larger, by the very nature of having lost Ma and Pa. My brothers-in-law, (bar Matt, forever missed) and their families (wives/partners/nieces/all) are very dear and I wish I could see more of them… often… this weekend! And now, the added bonus to a (relatively) new relationship is new daughters and a new son… And grandchildren. (How cool is that!) How utterly amazingly wonderful. Five years ago we were five. Then we became four. Then we became five again. Soon after we became eight. Now we are ten, and so it increases and will increase for forever and a day.

So yes. I am blessed.

Which is why I felt so saddened ultimately by the Huhne/Pryce debacle, and debacle is what it was/has been/is.

Family, in this case, was not paramount. And family were/are the only real casualties. We (as a nation) can survive any number of disgraced politicians. We can survive any number of consequently felled political parties. Adults will/can/do survive a prison ordeal, as harsh as the eight months may be. I fear for the children of this family. I tremble in the wake of the emotions revealed. I am terrified of the legacy foist upon them. I wonder at the callousness with which they were so exposed. I feel for them.

There has been much talk of the sentencing of Huhne and Pryce, whether it was fair, whether it was sexist, whether it was just. I cannot help questioning whether the juror’s (public’s) knowledge that Vicky Pryce fed her husband to the lions for the sake of revenge is the crime for which she was ultimately convicted. And the knowledge that Chris Huhne ignored his son’s pleas and held out regardless, caused his ultimate downfall.

I know what the desire for revenge feels like. I can only guess at what the results of going with it feels like. I’m glad I waited until it was a dish so cold it was no longer appealing. I can only hope that at some point there will be a healing of the rifts that have been riven through so many lives by this sad, sad state of affairs.

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